Hey Junkies!

We’re continuing our Thursday blog schedule (with podcasts now only on Tuesdays) with the same theme we spoke about last week – Dealing With Pageant Crap.  In case you missed it, you can check it out here… That’s where I officially offer my apologies for using the phrase “pageant crap” – and why I decided to tackle this topic in the first place. 🙂

Last week, we jumped in the deep end of the pool and talked about Pageant Coaching.  Today, I’m going to expand on that theme a bit today, by talking about “Pageant Advice”.

In case you didn’t know it already… Pageants are pretty confusing places to take advice… Let me explain…

Pageantry is weird.

Most of us in the pageant world don’t think about it (because we have wonderfully fond memories related to pageantry), but honestly – If you’re over the age of 10 when you see your first pageant, it’s pretty strange.

That’s why new pageant contestants usually rely on the advice of folks who are “in the know”.  In fact, I would venture to say VERY FEW contestants ever walk into a pageant without taking advice from someone (at the very least, from their mom or a friend…).

But it’s not the AMOUNT of advice you receive that makes you successful in pageants… Rather, it’s your ability to filter through the advice you get, that determines your ability to succeed.

Here’s what I mean…

– When it comes to advice, Pageant People have it in SPADES!  LOL!  Trust me – If you want it – You’ll NEVER be short on advice when it comes to pageantry!  I’ve seen the spotlight guy, the choreographer, and even the ticket-takers offer their thoughts and opinions to a specific contestant on her performance – despite the fact that she never asked for such!  If you’re in a pageant, there’s already advice waiting in the lobby about your next performance!

– At the same time, contestants are being told, “No coaching! Paid or un-paid – doesn’t matter – Don’t accept any advice (which is coaching) from anyone except your local director/team!  You need to listen to them only!”

–  And finally – if you’ve ever met a state titleholder (or listened to any of our Pageant Junkies Podcasts), more often than not, you’ll hear that contestant say something along the lines of, “When I was finally true to myself – that’s when I was able to win the title.”

Dear Lord!  lol!  Think about it!  That’s a pretty confusing set of messages being heaped upon young women in pageantry today!  No wonder so many young women hit the stage looking like a dear in the headlights (with too much bling and killer mascara)!

Therefore – if I may, let me simplify all of these messages and bring them together in a manner that even the greenest pageant rookie can understand… Here we go…

1. DON’T ACCEPT ADVICE FROM EVERYONE!  Yes, you need to be polite and learn how to appropriately respond to unwanted feedback from people who are offering their two cents (Trust me – mastering this skill will take you FAR beyond your pageant days – you’ll thank me later)… But you also need to know that you DO NOT need to take inventory of every piece of advice you hear.  Just because 3 people think you should tap dance and 5 people think you should do a jazz dance, it does not mean you automatically do the jazz dance.  It’s not about the amount of advice you receive – it’s about the person offering you the advice.
2. FIND AN EXPERT – WITH A TRACK RECORD!  Finding an expert these days is pretty easy… Just google “dog expert” or “laundry expert” and you might laugh at what you find!  Being a self-declared “expert” doesn’t mean squat.  What you need is someone who has previously guided pageant contestants like you, into success.  If your local director has a pretty good track record – Then listen to them! If your hairdresser does not have a similar track record – Then don’t!  It’s as simple as that!
3. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!  One of the hardest things to do in life (not just in pageantry), is to ask someone you respect for their honest opinion, and then to listen to their answer, without getting defensive.  It’s part of the human condition to “explain why” we do what we do… Why our actions were taken out of context – or why that person’s perception is off-base.  It takes a great deal of maturity to listen to feedback and then make the decision to adjust your actions.  It’s easy to say, “that’s just who I am” — The hard part is deciding that you want to pull out the potential you have inside of you, in order to become more than you are right now.

1. BE YOURSELF!  If you are going to take advice from someone, MAKE SURE that person is encouraging you to be MORE of who you already are.  The greatest state and local directors are amazing people because they’re not molding young ladies into carbon copies of their most recent queen – Instead, they’re bringing out the best in every new titleholder they have!  Working with someone who knows how to bring out the best in LOTS of different ladies – verses working with someone who only knows how to “mold you” into what the judges want – is a HUGE advantage!  Know the difference!  And don’t ignore someone’s who’s good at developing young women (’cause you’ll be sorry you did… Guaranteed!).
2. GET OUT OF YOUR OWN HEAD!  In an effort to “be yourself” – it’s super easy to try to act like the person you think you should be (i.e. – I’m a small town girl, but they always crown big-city contestants, so i’m going to be more like them).  In reality, what makes you unique, are the things that only you have to offer.  Don’t try to change yourself because of what you see being rewarded.  Study what character traits the winners have – not what color of hair they have.  Learn the patience and humility that comes from trial and error – instead of walking around with a ‘puffed-up confidence’ that’s completely transparent on stage.  Don’t “try to be”… Just relax… And BE. YOU.  It’s harder than it looks – which is why is gets rewarded so often!

And there you have it!  Another round of “Pageant Poo – Part II” deciphered for those who wish to take my advice. 🙂

Do you have further questions about pageant coaching/advice? Do you agree or disagree with this post? Feel free to comment below or email me at Thepageantjunkies@gmail.com – either way, I’d love to hear from you!

#BigJunkieLove

Carrie Lakey

Hey Junkies!

Today is an awesome day!

Today we get “back to our blogging roots” as we pledge to offer you a brand new blogpost every Thursday aimed at helping you on your pageant journey.  Many of you first discovered The Junkies through our blog – and we thought we’d return to this format once a week for those of you who prefer to learn through the written word (fyi – we still have a podcast available every Tuesday for those of you who prefer hearing straight from titleholders themselves).

In this blog, the topic we’ll be tackling over the next several weeks is called… Wait for it…

“Pageant Crap”

I apologize in advance to those of you who are offended right now…

I do mean that phrase in the nicest way possible… And I totally understand if you can’t read this article around your grandmother… But let’s be honest – There are parts of pageantry that are just “crap” and it’s my goal to help you learn how to deal with it.

The first topic within the category of “Pageant Crap” is a doozie… Today, we’re talking about “Pageant Coaching” within the Miss America system (Yup!  I’m jumping head-first into the deep end of the pool!).

For the record – the Miss America system has a very specific policy regarding pageant coaching that most other pageant systems don’t have… In fact, it’s written in the contract!  Should you win a local pageant, here’s what the contract states (fyi – this is the most recent version I’ve seen… Just stick the name of your local title inside the blank spaces):

Here’s the deal.

I get it.  The Miss America Organization is unlike any other in the fact that we are run by a community of volunteers who give up their time, talent, money and energy, to train young women to become the best pageant contestants they can be.

Many – And let me say that with emphasis – M A N Y  volunteers in this organization have worked in some shape or form of Miss America for DECADES. They’ve invested a GREAT DEAL of time, talent, money and energy into the system and that should be commended.  Heck – more than commended – it should be celebrated and appreciated in the highest way possible!!!

Therefore – given the longevity of the program and the time-honored history of outstanding volunteers, what do you do when one of the following situations happens to you…?

1. You and your local organization are not on the same page (meaning – he/she wants you to do something/wear something/sing something that you don’t want to do)….
2. You and your local organization have what I like to call, “conflicting personalities” – and you just don’t “click” with each other…
3. Your previous local director was ok when you worked with someone on a specific area of competition – and you formed a great relationship that you’d love to continue – but now, you feel like you can’t because now your new organization doesn’t approve…
4. You know your local organization means well, and he/she is the nicest person on the planet, but  it’s pretty obvious they’re not able to offer a significant amount of preparation in every category that you need (for example, they’re GREAT in talent and interview, but he/she has no clue how to teach you how to walk in a swimsuit on stage)…
5. Your local director has perhaps bitten off more than he/she can chew and doesn’t seem to be offering the kind of help you need, when you need it… And you feel like you’ve been put on the back burner…

And those 5 situations – are just off the top of my head!

In truth, you could probably come up with a million more thoughts as to why an outside influence (like a coach) might be warranted!  And they might be completely justifiable thoughts, backed up with examples, and facts, and first-hand experiences!

However, regardless of your situation… Here’s what I know…

People who think those thoughts above are looking at pageantry out of a specific paradigm.  And it’s the wrong one.

Pageantry is not what you can GET from an organization… instead, it’s about what you can GIVE to the organization.

Most titleholders thing of themselves as “the boss”… after all, you’re the one on-stage, you’re the one raising money and the profile of your local title in your community… But I’m sorry… You’re not the boss.

Instead – Being a titleholder is a lot more like being an intern…

– Interns are hired for limited periods of time (and usually, they aren’t paid)

– Interns often learn how to do specific tasks, in order to receive feedback to discover what they’re doing right and what they’re doing wrong.

– Interns don’t act like they know how to run the company – they’re there to learn from people who’ve been doing this a lot longer than they have.

– Interns take their experiences with them and use them in the future, regardless of whether or not they ever get a paying job with the company they’re serving.

As a titleholder – when you think of yourself like an intern instead of the boss, you’ll approach EVERYTHING differently when it comes to your pageant journey!

When you’re an intern – and you don’t agree with your supervisor, the best thing to do is to ask why that decision is being made.  When you’re an intern – and you need to learn something your supervisor doesn’t know how to teach you, the best thing to do is to come to the table with some potential solutions that make your boss look good!  When you’re an intern – and your supervisor doesn’t give you the attention you need, the best thing to do is ask if there’s someone else in another department who can help you.

Too many contestants think of themselves as “the boss” and not “the intern”…  But don’t misunderstand your role.

It’s your job to learn from your local organization.  And if you don’t feel like you’re getting adequate support, it’s your job to bring it up to your superior as an intern would… Get clarification, gain understanding, and bring solutions to the table, if/when you disagree.  And do it in a polite, respectful manner that makes your boss want to listen to you.

Don’t run off and “do your own thing” because he/she “doesn’t get it”.

That’s the quickest way I know to NEVER get hired for “the big job” you really want.

Do you have further questions about pageant coaching?  Do you agree or disagree with this post? Email me at Thepageantjunkies@gmail.com and give me your thoughts – I’d love to hear from you!

Stick around… There’s more “Pageant Crap” to be discussed next week!  🙂

#BigJunkieLove

Carrie Lakey