Hey Junkies!

So – Couple things…

First, I’m going to launch a Miss America mini-series of sorts, running Saturday, Sunday and Monday… We’re going to talk about a few “important topics” leading up to the first prelim night for Miss America 2017 – So stay tuned… You won’t want to miss it!

As for TODAY, well – I’m traveling to the National Sweetheart Pageant in Hoopeston, Illinois! WHOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

So – Quick recap for everyone who’s new to the Junkie Nation… The National Sweetheart Pageant (NSP) has been around for 73 years – and has been known to be a pretty incredible “stop” in many a pageant girl’s journey (after all, it’s been happening for 73 years!). Until recently, the 1st Runner Up from each state pageant was invited to attend the NSP, with the chance to get to know other young women from across the country who also finished half a heart-beat away from going to Miss America. If the 1st Runner Up couldn’t attend, the 2nd Runner Up was invited and so on down the line, until someone said, “I’ll go!”

Things are a little different this year… Miss America recently placed a line in their contracts stating that anyone who currently holds a local title, is not allowed to participate in other pageant systems, including the National Sweetheart Pageant. Therefore, the NSP decided to host an “open” pageant this year – Where any young woman who applied could be considered, and if there were multiple ladies from the same state who wanted to attend, a committee decided which young woman would be given the chance.

So – With that in mind, Sweetheart didn’t know exactly how things were going to shape up this year… But the great news is, the NSP has an amazing reputation for impacting young women in a positive way. Including me…

I had just turned 21 a few weeks before I finished my first trip to Miss Kansas – placing as the 2nd Runner Up. Our 1st Runner Up declined the opportunity to attend Sweetheart, which meant I received a phone call from our Executive Director, offering me the chance to attend.

To be honest, I didn’t even know what the National Sweetheart Pageant was… But when he explained the opportunity, I immediately jumped on it! I can’t tell you how excited I was just thinking about the chance to get to know young women from across the nation and see what we had in common!

When I arrived in the land of the Corn-Jerkers (the high school mascot), I was immediately at ease. For several ladies in our class that year, they hadn’t seen anything like Hoopeston – But I had! You see, I grew up in a town called Long Island, Kansas – Population 150. And for me, attending the NSP was like competing in a pageant in my hometown. 🙂

I loved getting to know the other contestants (although, I realized I was a bit younger than most), I thoroughly enjoyed how the entire community seemed to rally around the pageant, and I was BLOWN AWAY by the talent and the caliber of the women who were there.

I can still remember preparing for my interview with the judges… All of us in the competition group were in a room, there were newspapers everywhere, girls were looking at notes, and everyone was pacing back and forth looking at the floor, trying to concentrate. I stood up (mainly so I wouldn’t wrinkle my suit), and realized I should be doing the same thing – But instead, I started smiling and laughing to myself. Why? I was SOOO RELAXED. This was literally like I was competing in a pageant that was being held in my own backyard – And I KNEW how to walk into an interview room in my backyard!

Turns out, being relaxed was an awesome strategy! I won the Interview Award for my prelim group – But I didn’t make the Top 10. And when they were announcing the Top 10, I had a feeling I wasn’t in the mix… So, the other ladies and I went to the backstage and ate cheeseburgers and french fries while the rest of the pageant took place! It was hilarious – And another memory I have emblazoned on my mind.

Although I would’ve loved to have made the Top 10, I walked away from my Sweetheart experience completely happy! I tried to stay in touch with a few ladies through snail mail after NSP was over, but college life means too many addresses, and no cell phones meant losing track of people when you cancelled your land line. In fact, it wasn’t until I sat down to watch the parade of states at Miss America 1996, that I even knew which of my Sweetheart sisters had won their respective state titles!

Other than my interview, one of the clearest memories I have is from the National Sweetheart parade. That’s because… When people saw me in the back of that convertible (in my ruby red slippers, mind you), they actually yelled out, “Hi Miss Kansas!!!!”

Now, for someone who had fallen short – and didn’t win the title of Miss Kansas (and never did) – To hear a random stranger calling me Miss Kansas – believing I was Miss Kansas – was a feeling I will never, ever forget.

I even took my sash and placed it above the doorway inside my room in my apartment at school that year… And every time I walked in and out of that door, I wanted to remember the fact that someone thought of me as Miss Kansas – Because it was the most amazing feeling I’d ever had!

Which is why Sweetheart has been such a special part of so many contestant’s lives for so many years…

Sweetheart believes in the power of positively impacting young women who’ve fallen short of their dream.

Let’s be honest – Nobody’s FIRST choice is to attend NSP. We’d all much rather be walking on the stage at Miss America! But the difficulty and frustration, and even the pain of falling short of a state title, was tempered for those of us who attended Sweetheart. Plus, there was absolutely NO PRESSURE to win NSP – We all knew it didn’t count! In fact, I actually forgot I was even at a pageant until the first night of preliminary competition!

That’s why – despite things which were out of their control – I’m soooooooooo happy the folks in Hoopeston, IL decided to go ahead and host the National Sweetheart Pageant this year. We all know it “won’t be the same” with some ladies who finished as a runner up, and others who didn’t even compete this year – But it doesn’t matter. Because the point of Sweetheart, is still the same.

Make a positive impact on young women who fall short of their goals.

The National Sweetheart Pageant isn’t trying to be Miss America… They know that’s never going to happen. However, they can offer a “Miss America Moment” for many young women who will never have one.

That’s exactly what it was for me – And it’s exactly why I still support it.

So – after 2 decades, I can’t wait to set foot in Hoopeston, IL once again. 🙂 I’m guessing a few things will have changed – But I’m also guessing a few things will be just like I remember them…

And although it may be the 73rd year of the National Sweetheart Pageant – It might also be considered the “First Year of a New Era” for NSP… But as long as the mission to positively impact young women remains, then I wish Sweetheart nothing but the best.

Big Junkie Thanks to EVERYONE involved in the National Sweetheart Pageant – I am thrilled to be coming back – And I expect to give out a whole lot of hugs this weekend!

Oh – and to those of you ladies who are competing at NSP this weekend – BREATHE IT ALL IN!!! I realize the vast majority of you are NOT going to feel like this pageant is taking place in your backyard (lol!) – But it doesn’t mean you won’t remember this weekend for years and years to come. I look forward to hearing your stories, watching you compete, and seeing how Sweetheart impacts your life in the future. 🙂

See you soon, Hoopeston!!!

#BigJunkieLove

Carrie Lakey

To see more Thursday Posts like this one, just click here…

Carrie Lakey is kind of obsessed with Miss America…
So are 18,000 of her closest friends.

As an avid fan of the Miss America Organization, Carrie began
publicly predicting pageant winners over 10 years ago.
Now, she’s galvanizing an online movement of fans
known as “Pageant Junkies”.
Learn more about the Junkie Nation
by clicking here.

Communication can be tricky.

Case in point…

My husband gets so frustrated with me sometimes… It’s because admittedly, I possess a little known (but easily diagnosed) mental disease called, Noun-Omission Syndrome.

Now, I’m certainly not proud of my status as a noun-omitter… And I don’t exactly know when the disease first began.  For the record, I do know what ‘chairs’ and ‘boxes’ and ‘water-bottles’ are actually called.  However, every once in a while, for some irrational reason, instead of using the ‘real words’ – I occasionally substitute those words for other words like “thingy” and “do-hickey” and “it”. Just the other day, I’m asking my husband to help me take “it” downstairs and set “it” by the “thingy” where the “do-hickey’s” are (See? Such an awful disease…).

I’m not sure why I don’t always use the proper words at the proper time… But, I’m absolutely guilty as charged. In fact, I’m pretty much a sucker for a “wadda-you-call-it” when it comes to identifying stuff. It’s almost as if my brain has decided “thingy bopper” is the actual name of the item in which I’m trying to describe – and I can’t stop until the word “thingy bopper” comes out of my mouth!

And here’s the crazy thing – I know I have Noun-Omission Syndrome… But, I actually get upset whenever I use these silly, generic terms, and the people around me don’t understand what I’m trying to say! Well – Hold on… That’s not completely true…

I don’t get upset when someone doesn’t know what I’m saying (because again, having lived with this syndrome for some time now, I know when I’m screwing it up)… Instead, I get upset when someone doesn’t even try to guess what I’m saying!

Yes – I get frustrated when my Noun-Omission Syndrome takes over, causing me to say something nondescript, and then the people around me just stare blankly ahead as if I’m from another planet. In my mind I’m thinking, “C’mon! You know what I mean! If you’d just TRY to consider what I’m thinking, you might be able to help me!” lol!

What’s crazy is that most people who don’t meet me half way (*cough cough* my husband) are often thinking something completely different… Instead of trying to meet me half-way, his thinking is somewhere along the lines of, “C’mon! Stop TRYING and just say what you freaking mean so we can understand each other already! Geez!”

And therein lies the impasse. Both parties wishing the other would “do their job” to communicate.

Now – since Noun-Omission Syndrome is a disease, I obviously think I’m the one who should be indulged (rather than other way around). And of course… Because my husband doesn’t believe in Noun-Omission Syndrome (cue the eye roll), he’s not exactly ‘jumping in’ to save me.

Which brings me back to my original point. Communication can be tricky.

That’s why I’ve decided the best cure for Noun-Omission Syndrome is something we can all employ every day.  It’s called, the benefit of the doubt.

Now – I’m not perfect in offering the benefit of the doubt – but I’m a whole lot better than I used to be! In case you’re a Noun-Omitter (or you know someone who is), here’s how it works…

When you offer someone the benefit of the doubt, you’re actually performing a mental switch. Doesn’t matter what the conflict is – When you give them the benefit of the doubt, you take your mind OFF of your frustration, and instead, you begin to apply empathy to the person/situation that is frustrating to you.

For example:

Let’s say I’m about to be interviewed by someone I don’t know. I’m hungry – I’m tired – And I may or may not have had a strong desire to go to this interview, even though I know it’s my job to do so.

During the interview (where I am tired and hungry), the person from the newspaper is extremely friendly… Very conversational, super-engaging… And in a strange kind of way, this person seems to really “get” me. In fact, we connect quite quickly… Which instead of causing me to fall into Noun-Omission Syndrome, it actually causes me to go into another one of my maladies known as, OSD… “Over-Sharing Disorder”.

Now, I’ve been told before that sometimes I have a tendency to over-share and that my OSD can take over without realizing it. But again, even though we just met – I feel like I can trust her. We’re really, really connecting – and I don’t get that every day. In fact, most days I’m the one who has to adapt to someone else!

You see, my job is all about making other people feel great.  And it’s a wonderful job – but, in order for me to make other people feel great, it means I have to constantly adapt to them. It’s actually my job to mirror their personality – and once I do that, I’m expected to reply to them in a way in which they will appreciate. If I don’t, the encounter falls short – that person leaves without ‘feeling great’ – and that means, I’ve failed at my job.  Therefore, when someone comes along and we connect – it means I don’t have to adapt to them! And LET ME TELL YOU – It sure feels nice to have that person adapt to me!

So, at this point in the interview, I let my guard down and I’m more genuine than I’ve probably been in a long time. And believe me – it feels amazing to have someone look at me, as the real me. That’s when my Over-Sharing Disorder kicks in at an all-time high, and before you know it, the lunch is over, my new friend is gone, and it’s back to my life of adapting to everyone else… Just as it was before the meeting began.

Now, when the interview gets published – and I see the words I said during that lunch meeting… It all looks very different in the light of day.

As it turns out, I was swindled.

Someone posing as someone who “really connected with me” has now turned into someone who was just out to get me. And it’s not good. In fact, to most people who read the interview, they think it’s bad. Very, very bad.

That’s when I suddenly regret the fact that I shared so much, so openly, with someone who had such ugly intentions to betray me. I got hustled. I’m exposed. And it sucks.

Which is exactly why it’s so important that we always offer the antidote to both Noun-Omission Syndrome AND Over-Sharing Disorder… 

THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

Look. Nobody’s perfect. Therefore, when you offer someone the benefit of the doubt, you’re stepping away from your judgments and stepping into empathy.

How do you know if you’re offering the benefit of the doubt or not?  Well – someone who IS offering this antidote usually starts by asking themselves a question like, “Why would that person ever do/say what they just did?”

And then (the real key is this…)… Do your best to come up with a logical answer.

When you stop focusing on your reaction (how you’re appalled, frustrated, annoyed, etc) – And when you start asking yourself why someone else would respond in a manner in which seems really annoying/frustrating/dumb to you… You’re usually able to come up with a scenario that extends the benefit of the doubt.

The benefit of the doubt is a super-strong antidote indeed. In fact – It’s like grace being poured out and drenched all over the ugliest of situations.

And here’s the thing…

Even if you’re lucky enough not to suffer from Noun-Omission Syndrome or Over-Sharing Disorder, I’m pretty sure at one point or another, all of us still need the ‘benefit of the doubt’ in our own lives.

And because you and I still need all the ‘benefit of the doubt’ we can get – It’s probably a good idea to give it to others as well.

The next time you see someone suffering from NOS or OSD, or the next time you see someone do something that appears completely against the norm of your expectations, do your best to extend the benefit of the doubt. After all – what good is empathy if we refuse to use it when it’s needed most?

#BigJunkieLove

Carrie Lakey

To see more Thursday Posts like this one, just click here…

Carrie Lakey is kind of obsessed with Miss America…
So are 18,000 of her closest friends.

As an avid fan of the Miss America Organization, Carrie began
publicly predicting pageant winners over 10 years ago.
Now, she’s galvanizing an online movement of fans
known as “Pageant Junkies”.
Learn more about the Junkie Nation
by clicking here.